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红楼人生：用“自黑”去化解完美困局_我的网站
一 | 中国小康网 独家专稿 文｜陈艳涛一个人的无懈可击会变成最大的“懈”，让别人攻击。
二 | Hema Malini recently hosted a prayer meet in Delhi for her late husband Dharmendra. She, along with their daughters Esha Deol and Ahana Deol, honoured the actor’s memory with the meet. The gathering took place at Dr Ambedkar International Centre. The veteran actress arrived with her elder daughter Esha at the meet. Her younger daughter Ahana also joined them soon. As per a video by the news agency ANI, Hema and Esha placed flowers in front of Dharmendra’s photo. The emotional mother and daughter duo bowed before the photo. Then they entered the hall to proceed with the rest of the evening. Esha’s former spouse Bharat Takhtani was present at the prayer meet. Ahana’s husband Vaibhav Vohra had also joined the family.While the family was present to host the prayer meet, the gathering saw several politicians in attendance. They were seen placing flowers in front of the late actor’s portrait. The names include Union Finance Minister Nirmala Sitharaman, Delhi Chief Minister Rekha Gupta, BJP MP Anurag Thakur, Union Minority Affairs Minister Kiren Rijiju and Union Railway Minister Ashwini Vaishnaw. Moreover, actor-politicians Ravi Kishan and Kangana Ranaut were also present to share their condolences with the family.Dharmendra passed away on November 24, 2025. His passing left behind an unmatched legacy of over six decades. Born as Dharmendra Singh Deol, he breathed his last at his residence. He was admitted to Breach Candy hospital earlier in November due to respiratory complications. On Dharmendra’s 90th birth anniversary, Hema shared a heartfelt note on social media. She stated, “Dharam ji... Happy birthday my dear heart... More than two weeks have passed since you left me heartbroken, slowly gathering up the pieces and trying to reconstruct my life, knowing that you will always be with me in spirit. The joyful memories of our life together can never be erased and just reliving those moments bring me great solace and happiness. I thank God for our lovely years together, for our two beautiful girls who reaffirm our love for each other and for all the beautiful, happy memories that will remain with me in my heart. On your birthday, My prayers for God to grant you the wealth of peace and happiness that you richly deserve for your humility and goodness of heart and your love for humanity. Happy birthday dear love... Our happy ‘together’ moments...”Also Read: Hema Malini and Esha Deol Will Hold a Prayer Meet for Dharmendra After His 90th Birth Anniversary。但这并非没有化解之道，懂得“自黑”，就能突围，化解敌意、收获真心。 今天的影视观众都对完美人设有了免疫力，寻找那些完美好人的瑕疵，成了一种看剧的乐趣。那些个性鲜明，毫不掩饰缺点，甚至有点小奸小坏的人，一旦展现出某种人性闪光点来，反而更能让观众产生共鸣和欣赏。 而那些活得溜光水滑、无懈可击的人，总不免让人心生疑虑，想探究其完美背后的真相。那些境遇顺遂、待人接物圆滑周到的人，也不免会让周围的人猜忌、怀疑，甚至毫无理由地厌恶、排斥。 也因此，从《红楼梦》诞生起，冷静完美的宝钗，就被无数读者质疑，让他们像侦探一样，去搜寻字里行间各种蛛丝马迹，来判定她是一个虚伪、冷酷、奸诈的人。 这也很好理解，作家王蒙说过：一个人的无懈可击会变成最大的“懈”，让别人攻击。
三 | 但这并非没有化解之道，坦诚，就是一种解药。宝钗就几次用这个方法，化解了旁人对她的信任危机。
四 | 宝玉因金钏和琪官事件挨打后，宝钗是第一个前去探望的人，袭人一时大意，说出了宝玉小厮茗烟的话，话里话外都透露出怀疑宝玉挨这顿打，是因为薛蟠透露了琪官的事，才引起一番风波。
五 | 宝玉急忙拦住袭人，袭人这才“明白自己说造次了，恐宝钗没意思”。 而宝钗是如何化解尴尬的呢？她首先坦诚自己哥哥是个“天不怕地不怕、心里有什么口里就说什么的人”，就算是他“说话不防头”，一时说出宝玉的事来，“也不是有心挑唆”，因为一则这本来也是实话，二则是以他的个性，他不会理论这些“防嫌小事”。
六 | 宝钗这番话，坦率真诚又入情入理，看似不辩解、不护短，但其实又处处为哥哥解释了动机缘由，直让袭人“羞愧难言”，让宝玉对她来探病的情意，以及那种红着脸低头弄衣带的“娇羞怯怯”动心不已，“将疼痛早丢在九霄云外”了。 坦诚以待，去打破完美表象，加上适当示弱，甚至会化解一些顽固的敌意。 小说《知否知否，应是绿肥红瘦》里，申氏将丈夫齐衡对她的冷淡，归咎于齐衡忘不了他视为初恋的白月光明兰，又受了一些人的挑唆，当明兰和申氏终于在宴会上初次见面时，申氏带着深深的敌意。 但她没想到的是，她的一腔怒意却如一拳打到了棉花上，因为明兰很快就跟申氏聊起了真心话，说到了自己的难处，“都说我有福气，嫁到侯府是高攀，可谁知这宅院……有刁奴欺主，庄园瞒账，我一个庶女出身，无靠无挂，入了这府里，便也是寸步难行，你说我若撂不开这些，这日子，愁也愁死了。” 申氏听到这番话之后，对明兰的态度有所改观，不仅不再为难她，甚至在日后明兰有难时，还真心为她出谋划策。 申氏对明兰仍有戒备时曾问她：说这些话，是不是有些交浅言深？ 明兰回答：“很多事都是交深言浅弄出来的。” 这的确是人际交往中很难把握的度，有人总按捺不住虚荣心，忍不住向周围的人凡尔赛，有人总试图在社交网络上打造出虚幻的精致完美生活，但真正明智、眼光长远的人，会像宝钗和明兰这样，懂得“自黑”，勇于打破虚假的完美表象，用“有懈可击”和“交浅言深”来化解敌意、收获真心。爱美丽也爱媒体。闲读红楼，注解人生。真正明智、眼光长远的人，会像宝钗和明兰这样，懂得“自黑”，勇于打破虚假的完美表象，用“有懈可击”和“交浅言深”来化解敌意、收获真心。 （《小康》·中国小康网 独家专稿） 本文刊登于《小康》2024年4月下旬刊。
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